Having my little princess was a prayer answered! The moment my pregnancy report was affirmative, I leapt in joy, almost envisioning the moment when I will be cuddling my newborn and start parenting, which I had been anticipating for a while now. Today, after undergoing a C-section and having my baby, I indeed have all that I asked for but there’s also an impending gloom and mild despondency that is smeared all over my mind. The truth is, I loved all that my pregnancy got me, but not this postpartum body. Other than my immediate weight gain which I anticipated, I have to accept the fact that my body nowhere feels close to what it used to pre-pregnancy. That’s a complete disappointment!
The constant fatigue, my expanding and shapeless mid-riff and increased weight is what I want to skip, instantly. Additionally, I have a weak core and have to smile through pains and aches at times that could be an after-effect of stress. Trying to keep myself motivated constantly, a thought that often races my mind, is “how to get back to shape?”
Subconsciously, I am aware that daily exercise or a brisk morning walk has my solution! But recently other than energy what I also lack are discipline and determination. Add “me time” to it! My life is centred around my baby girl. So there have been moments when I had set the alarm for a walk or a mild exercise session, but inactivity has got me in its snare. That aside, the unhappy part of me wants immediate results to which my wiser practical self says, ‘Relax, give it sometime”! To which I oscillate back to an old mind recorder that plays in loops for hours stating and asking, whether I will ever get back to the shape that I was in love with. With the wide a belly pouch and a wide hip bone it’s tough to avert the worry.
“Embrace yourself and your body” is what my best friend told me the other day over a conversation!
That seemed to have been brought some light to my otherwise low self esteem resulting from my postpartum body. “If you don’t love your body for what it is albeit the post pregnancy flab, shape and stretch marks, then you would be passing the same notion of being perfect body wise to your daughter. Whilst that would give her necessary teachings about fitness but it would make her excessively conscious about her body! She will start looking at it as her only source of happiness” assured my friend.
And perhaps on hindsight, that’s exactly what I have been doing! Making the source of my happiness to the question, “When do I get back to shape”! I felt lot easier and realised that after all, my body change was natural and with regular exercise and a new diet I would be back to shape. This perspective was an instant mood enhancer.
As I started to chart down a new diet and exercise regime my mind happily settled to yet another realization! Comparison. Yes, I have been comparing myself with other women I know and their postpartum bodies. Some of them have bounced back to shape fast and for the rest, motherhood was the only focus. I realised pregnancy and its body changes are unique for every woman. So, whilst setting new health goals for myself I got committed to halt this constant mind-comparison chatter.
And today, as I have set out on a new journey as a mother, to get back to fitness I say it’s all about coming to balance within, based on where you are, where you want to go and how best you make utilize your resources available!
